Drama with 2 teenage daughters now

Summer has been pretty quiet.  R is w/her mom in Texas.  A is w/her dad in Texas and K went to spend 2 weeks w/her dad and sister in Texas and is now back.  So right now just one teenage daughter.  About a week ago, though, A decided that she wanted to stay with her dad in Texas for this coming school year.  It was quite a shock.  I wasn't expecting it.  My ex-husband and JT have been really supportive and great during all these changes.  I am dealing with it.  Trying.  Feel bad for me and excited for her to experience time w/her dad.  I know she is going into a great situation, but I am mom, I am still going to worry.  I will miss a whole year w/out her.  I can't even imagine.  It hurts my heart but I am going to let her do it and support her 100%.  I can skype and facebook her, I can call her all the time and send her goodie packages, too!  I just wont be there for the day to day and I always have been.  I have great friends, Venus & Andrea and all my facebook friends who have given me great advice and support and I know will continue to do so. WOW!  Only 2 teenage daughters at home.  Sounds dull, lol.

Leanne

Update to the rule list - one got marked off

What a weekend!  With 3 teenagers and 2 of them played so good w/each other on Sunday, it was bound to end badly.  Oh and it did!  Well, rule number 4 is off the list.  Leaving things in others people's room.  Child #3 left cellphone in child #2 room.  No cellphone for 2 weeks not acceptable.  So we had to make an adjustment - No one is allowed to take their stuff into another person's room.  It didn't go over so well for child #2.  She thinks that the rules still don't apply to #3.  Oh, I will be soooooooo glad when school is out.  It was a busy weekend and I am hoping that most of this will blow over.  And the icing on the cake -  #3 was wearing #2's shirt this am... Thank goodness I was home to avert WWIII!!!! LOL....

Not too bad lately...

I think it is because, 1 is on restriction and school is almost out.- which I can't believe... Summers are easier and harder too... Makes no sense unless you have kids..

Well, youngest daughter (12) lost her Christmas present - the Kindle Fire.  Sadly, not shocking.. She has lost and/or destroyed 2 ipods, she is on laptop 3 and who knows how many phones.. but her mom and dad keep replacing them.. Oh yea, let us not forget the digital cameraS....  (yes I meant to use the S)...  So, after talking to some friends and discussing it with hubby - we have decided that she is going to have to pay us back 1/2 of the cost... She has a job of walking neighbor's dogs with our middle daughter (she is not getting any $$ right now because of restriction but still having to be responsible and walk dogs .. our middle daughter is getting all the money ... in the rules)...  So, what do you think?  Is it too harsh?  My goal is for her to FINALLY respect the things we buy her and hopefully have her learn the value of a dollar!!!!

On a side note, I am working on a new blog, too... One just about a big change coming to our life and then the daily craziness that ensues... It should be up and running May 1st!

/Leanne

New Rules worked great!

So, youngest & stepdaughter asked dad to "meet" the boyfriend.. Keep in mind she's 11, will be 12 Saturday. I didn't like the idea.  Voiced it when it was mentioned and was dismissed.. No biggie.  Well the actual day of the meeting came - and JT kept dreading it.. I asked him to ask her what it meant to her and got my fav 3 words - "I don't know" - his dad wanted this meeting.. yea right.. To make a long, dragged out story short - her and the boy were planning to sneak away and kiss while dad's were talking.. omg . Needless to say - we went right to the rules and punishment list - lying to adult = 1 month of no electronics, etc..... wow.. she just got her phone back about 3 weeks ago.  No good way to enjoy Spring Break & Bday week.  But we are letting her have her bday party then strict lockdown after that... yikes... 11 and kissing.. not cool!

the life of a quiet stepmom

OMG.. I am gonna take that phone and throw it out the window.  R is mad because she has to follow the rules and pay the price for breaking them.  Plus earn money by doing another chore and mad about it cause she has to rush before I take her to her gym class and pay for her cheer class.. if she would remove the phone from her butt she could get her chores done in a reasonable amount of time w/out the flippin' disrespectful attitude i am praying about physically removing from her.. lol..

ok, i am done venting now.. praying for a quiet out loud tongue and praying for non physical reactions..

L

Update

Of course I believe my hubby. We are going to follow thru with the rules. It didn't end well last night. I was the bad guy and hubby told me to leave him alone. But first thing this am, Hubby said rules will be enforced. I realized we don't have a rule for distraction of property. Might have to modify that. Lol

Peace is gone - Drama back!

Today's deal:
My two youngest sometimes wear each others jackets/sweatshirts.. No biggie, right.. Well today A. wears B.'s sweatshirt.  Then they switch and B takes notes from pocket. (yes do you see where this is going).  A wants said note back and B wont give it back.  Not pretty... A gets note back.  Puts note in her room and then goes w/me to her horse lesson. A gets phone call from B. that my hubby went into room to get said note and read it and B protected note and flushed.  So I call and ask hubby and get different story.  His story is B returned black ribbon to A's room and saw note on bed and brought it out and teased hubby and wouldn't let hubby get note and ripped and flushed note.  Are you following so far....  Now, A is upset and rightfully so and so am I.  The icing on the cake - the black ribbon is on the kitchen counter not in A's room.  How do I proceed... tune in and find out tomorrow......

Smooth Sailing

Well since the rules have been in effect, things are going pretty smooth. Although they have only been in effect for a few days. The big news in our house - Rebeccaj is moving away from wanting a horse and wants to cheer. Hell. I want to cheer after I heard this. She wants to tryout and I sure hope she makes it. I am sooooo glad JT didn't get a horse for her. Omg! Pray she makes cheer. Leanne

The Results & new House Rules!

I can say it was a very productive meeting Sunday night.  The kids got a lot off their chest and I have combined all their lists and have a good start!  As for drama - our youngest is stirring it up again, we will have to see if anything pans out, hopefully not another call from school!

House Rules:

RULES IN THE HOUSE FOR ALL!

DO NOT TOUCH, HIT, SLAP, SPIT, SQUIRT WATER OR KICK ANYONE – PUNISHMENT IS: THE PERSON WHO STARTS IT, GETS IT BACK AND THERE IS NO BLOCKING AND THEN IT’S OVER.  NO TEARS AND NO ADULT IN HOUSE CARES! YOU START IT; YOU DESERVE IT.

NO NAME CALLING AT ALL.  IT IS HARD TO TELL IF JOKING OR NOT. – PUNISHMENT IS: 2 DAYS OF SCOOPING POOP AND 2 TIMES EMPTY DISHWASHER.

KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING ANYONE’S ROOM, RESPECT PEOPLE’S THINGS (*ASK PERMISSION BEFORE BORRWING ANYTHING & RETURN BY THE END OF THE DAY), NO MAKING FUN OF JB OR CS, NO FOOD OR DRINK IN ROOM IF YOU ARE THE GUEST W/OUT PERMISSION.  – PUNISHMENT IS: 2 DAYS OF SCOOPING POOP AND 2 DAYS OF EMPTY DISHWASHER. 

(* EXCEPT BECCAH – NO DRINK ALLOWED IN ANY ROOM AT ALL)

IF YOU LEAVE ANYTHING IN ANOTHER PERSON’S ROOM – PUNISHMENT IS:  THE OTHER PERSON OWNS IT FOR 2 WEEKS (INCLUDING PHONE, KINDLE FIRE, LAPTOP, FLAT IRON, ETC) NO EXCEPTIONS AND NO SECOND CHANCES.

IF YOU TRASH ANOTHER PERSON’S ROOM AND LEAVE – PUNISHMENT IS: YOU HAVE TO CLEAN UP THEIR ROOM WHICH INCLUDES DUSTING, VACUUMING, MAKING BED, CLEANING UP THAT PERSON’S BATHROOM (INCLUDING TOILET & TRASH), MIRROR, ORGANIZE CLOSET, DO THEIR LAUNDRY, CLEAN OUT UNDER BED, AND CLEAN ALL MIRRORS EVERY DAY FOR SEVEN DAYS.

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS & DO IT W/NO ATTITUDE (INCLUDES LEAVING ROOM WHEN ASKED)! – PUNISHMENT IS: 24 HOURS OF NOTHING ELECTRONIC!

NO WHISPERING, NO BEING TWO FACED, NO SECRETS, NO MUMBLING AND NO BEING DISRESPECTFUL TO EACH OTHER – PUNISHMENT IS:  3 DAYS NO INTERNET & 3 DAYS SCOOPING POOP & 2 TIMES OF EMPTYING DISHWASHER. 

NO ONE IS THE BOSS – UNLESS A PARENT LEAVES THAT PERSON IN CHARGE.  – PUNISHMENT IS: 2 DAYS OF SCOOPING POOP AND 2 DAYS OF EMPTY DISHWASHER DUTY.

WORK TOGETHER, BE KIND TO EACH OTHER, HELP ONE ANOTHER – NO LEAVING ANYONE OUT, NO GANGING UP ON EACH OTHER, NO GETTING MAD IF PERSON DOESN’T WANT TO PARTICIPATE, DON’T GET MAD IF BEING HELPED BY ANOTHER, AND NO LEAVING ANOTHER ALONE WHEN PLAYING WITH FRIENDS (UNLESS THE PERSON DESERVES IT – CASE BY CASE BASIS) – PUNISHMENT IS:  2 DAYS OF SCOOPING POOP AND 2 DAYS OF EMPTY DISHWASHER DUTY.

LYING TO EACH OTHER – PUNISHMENT IS:  3 DAYS NO ELECTRONICS (IF YOU LIE ABOUT ANY OF THE ABOVE, THIS IS ADDED TO EXISTING PUNISHMENT) AND IF BECCAH OR ASHLEE – THE LIAR HAS TO HELP W/DOGS AND GIVE THE NON-LIAR THE MONEY.

DO NOT WAKE UP EACH OTHER – PUNISHMENT IS:  2 DAYS OF SCOOPING POOP AND 2 TIMES EMPTY DISHWASHER

DO NOT COMPLAIN – PUNISHMENT IS:  IF ON GOLF CART, YOU ARE WALKING HOME, IF IN HOUSE,  2 DAYS OF SCOOPING POOP.

LYING TO ADULT – 1 MONTH NO ELECTRONICS, NO FRIENDS, NO OUTINGS AND IF BECCAH OR ASHLEE – THE LIAR HAS TO HELP W/DOGS AND GIVE THE NON-LIAR THE MONEY).

BEING DISREPSECTFUL, CORRECTING, ARGUING, INTERRUPTING, EYE ROLLING (PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING EXCEPT YES OR NO MAM/SIR) TO AN ADULT – PUNISHMENT IS:  RANGING FROM 2 DAYS SCOOPING POOP & 2 TIMES EMPTY DISHWASHER TO 2 WEEKS NO ELECTRONICS, NO FRIENDS, NO OUTINGS.

Coming to Jesus Meeting!

Well, todays the day we are all sitting down and going to try to work out a compromise.  I am tired of the sister bashing.  OH YEA!  Also tired of different rules for different kids.  Causing hate & discontent and resentment and I am over it!  So... I told the girls to each come up with 10 rules and punishments and that JT and I will combine and polish the list and combine and post all the rules!  Should be interesting, usually the kids come up with worse punishment than we do!  LOL!  I will keep you posted and will post the rules and punishments when we compile the list.

Pray for me and Jamie to have the wisdom to combine this list and the knowledge to stay strong and enforce it!

Leanne

Friends

My goodness what a crazy weekend.  Saturday was our date night, we went to see Jimmy Buffett at the BJCC and we met another couple at Margarita Grill in Pelham!  OMG FABULOUS!  The concert was one of the best EVER! What an entertainer!  Then on Sunday one of my good friends lost her dad.  She had just buried her Aunt on Thursday and now another funeral tomorrow.  My heart just breaks for her.  She has had a rough 2 years and the poor thing doesn't get a break.  Praying for her.  I am going to her dad's funeral.  He was a sweet man.  I got the privilege to get to know him a little.  I was so glad to see so many people at the hospital for her.  What good friends we have when the time is needed.  I hope that my being there and my prayers are enough.  I want to be the friend that I need when times are tough.  So not a lot of teenage drama but I did keep my girls posted and they were very sweet and need to know that life is a special gift.  I also want to teach them compassion and how to be a good friend, no matter what.  We do have to teach our kids compassion and empathy.  How else are they going to learn.  I try very hard to get my girls involved when we are doing charity work.  I want them to know that there is MORE to life the boys and girl/boy drama and makeup.  But we do forget that those things are so important to them and that is their whole world.  We have to take a step back and remember those days.

I like reading a prayer and seeing the words.  It kind of helps it stick.  I have done a little research so here is the prayer that I have started praying in regards to my children, hope it offers peace and some help:

Lord, sometimes I don’t know where my job as a parent ends and Your heavenly gift as Savior begins. Grant me understanding, so that I may do all that I can, and nothing more.  

Hold them in your arms as they go through their day.

Reveal yourself to them often, proving that they are never alone.

Help them to be strong enough to make a difference; to change the lives of others rather than changing who they are to fit in.

Make their paths straight before them, just as you promised to do, and then give them the strength to follow.

The decisions they make today can alter the path of the rest of their lives. Please help them to better understand this, and protect them when the time arrives to make those choices.

Show them that the rules we have in place are to protect them; not to prevent them from having fun, but rather to keep them from crossing lines into adulthood long before they are ready. Help them understand that once you cross those lines, there is no going back to being a kid.

Help them never to doubt you, you are real, so please comfort them and give them your answers long before they need them.   

I pray these same things for their future spouses and children. Protect their future and create it in a way that brings them all closer together and to you in the end.

And God, please keep whispering these things to them until they are ready for me to tell them face to face. 

Because Lord, I adore my teens, and am so thankful you chose me to be their parent.

Give me what I need to do the job you asked of me, and hold me when I’m scared. I never want to let either you or them down.

In Jesus Name,

Amen 

Leanne

Ok - too quiet

So, I am complaining cause it's too quiet.. lol.. with Rebecca out of town for the week and JT out some nights and Kim working - me and Ashlee have been hanging out and its been pretty quiet for a couple of days.  I did treat Ashlee to a pedicure and dinner - just the two of us and it was GREAT!  I forget to remember how important it is to spend the one on one time w/the kids.  In our busy, crazy life that one on one is important in every dynamic in the house.  We talked and laughed and got candy on the way home and omg her toes are ORANGE!  She loves it and I am so proud of her.  She is at PJHS now and has been for about a month and doing great.  She is growing up so fast, doing good w/her grades and really enjoying the horse lessons.  It was just her and I the other day and she said - so this is what it would be like to be an only child, she kinda liked it. I sit back sometimes and watch how fast they grow up.
Kim went to work tonight (even though she has stuffy nose) and armed w/halls & hand sanitizer!  LOL.. Proud of her, at 15 she knows that people depend on her at work.  Jose compliments her all the time.  Once she can work a little more, she will be running it. LMBO!
I am really enjoying this blog, kinda like having personal girlfriends to chat w/at the convenience of my laptop.  I know that sounds funny but sometimes you just want a girlfriend to listen for just 5 minutes!  And I can tell you blogging this way, no one interrupts you, you don't lose your train of thought or concentration either.. Crazy but I really enjoy this...
I am praying for our blog circle!  God Bless and may we all have a little less drama tomorrow, if not blog about it!
Leanne

Help!

So, say you have a blended family. Say that the floor is ruined because of spilled drink.  Say the agreed upon new rule by her dad is NO DRINKS IN THE ROOM OF ANY KIND.  Now say there was a RED GATORADE in her room this am.  Say the response was "i forgot".  What do you do?
See I told you guys that I would sometimes have blended family drama, too!

Other than that, so far it's a good day, although it is only 706am.

Leanne

When girls have friends spend the night!

My goodness, the claws are out this morning.  It is almost not worth it to have kids spend the night and vise versa!  She did this, she went into my room.  She is being mean to me.  Drama and then what is up with the makeup and leggins and hair updid for a parade with about 80% humidity.  lol.. will they ever learn.

Ok on a side note - I love All You Magazine.  Here is 2 tidbits of GREAT info:

Save on Energy
Vacuum refrigerator coils to save on electricity, inspect sliding glass doors for dirty rails (which lead to air leaks) and run a dishwasher cycle with distilled white vinegar to remove hard-water deposits and reduce the machine's energy demands.  (momondealz.com)

and

Donate Defunct Coupons
Military families overseas can use expired coupons for up to six months past their expiration date.  Find out which bases need what coupons by visiting ocpnet.org. (thismonnysavesmoney.com)

Please tell your friends about this blog. We are trying to grow and help as many mommies as possible.  Every once in a while I may throw a blended family drama story in there too! lol...

Leanne

Surprised at the response!

I am so excited about the response I have received from the blog.  Great comments and ideas to work with.  Tell your friends about this.  The more people we have to share our stories with the better this blog will be.  I am praying for our 6 followers of this blog.  Thank you for supporting this crazy thing we call life with teenage drama queens!  Today was a good day - although they are not home yet!  LOL!

On a personal note, we now have a new addition to our family.  A guinea pig named Pablo`.  He will definitely cause some drama but right now he is causing smiles for Ashlee.  She is having a hard time with 13.  I remember that age.  I am going to try to listen more and get to the root of the problems and help her come to a resolution instead of me forcing one on her.

Rebeccah will be going next week to Pensacola.  Her mom is going to be there for a family situation.  She is missing a week of school.  Pray for safe travels, a family situation with Rebeccah's grandfather and me - helping her get caught back up when she returns.  She will have work to do while she is down there, but the craziness will be getting her back and making up the tests and things she couldn't take to Pensacola.

I hope everyone has had a good day so far.  As for me, I have had no drama as of yet today!

Leanne

Teenage Drama Queens

As the mom in a blended family (that brings its own problems without drama) and a mom of 2 teenagers and 1 stepdaughter who is a tween. I have been talking with parents in my shoes and one thing is in common if you have daughters, DRAMA! What is up with all the drama daughters? Someone said I should start a blog about this so here goes. I am no expert as a parent, just have experience with it and blogging is a pasttime I do to kinda journal our days, when I have time and to let folks in the River Region and family and friends know what is going on. Does it matter, why do people blog? To get things off our chest. That’s how i feel sometimes. If I blog like that and I DON’T publish it, I just do it to get all the hurt and stress off my mind, I guess therapeutic. So here’s my new project – my therapy – getting my drama daughters craziness off my chest.

It started the middle of 6th grade when my daughter was bullied at school thru Facebook. There was a girl who pretty much dog cussed my daughter. Now my daughter didn’t start it, but she got sucked into it. I wont go into intimate detail, bit it ended with cops called to school and 2 months of NO electronics was the final verdict for my daughter. So we decided to move my daughter to a different school. It didn’t help. Now in the mean time, it’s Christmas time 2011. My step daughter comes to spend the 2nd half of the school year. She got into drama on day 2. The ironic thing was it was at the same school of previous incidences and all ready knew the principal. LOL. Drama. She said, she said, and she said and I didn't do it then it went to passing notes to boys and causing fist fights. It is insane. Day 3 at a new school and a new boy friend and in trouble with those 2 boys in ISS.
It has now progressed to boys hanging out at the community park and to saying “I love you” on Facebook to tears cause one has a boyfriend and the one who doesn’t is so depressed that she cried herself to sleep last night.

I never had a boyfriend until 16 and sure didn’t have a cellphone, texting capabilities or a Facebook packs. The only thing I worried about was if friends called the house phone past 8p. What has happened? If you would like to chime in, vent, offer suggestions or just need a virtual hug and verbal support and comfort – here it is.
I am praying for my daughters and will pray for families with drama daughters. Will we survive?

While talking about starting this blog, I learned it is not just teenage girls - it is boy drama too!  So Parents of Teenage Drama - share, post and vent away!

Leanne