So, say you have a blended family. Say that the floor is ruined because of spilled drink. Say the agreed upon new rule by her dad is NO DRINKS IN THE ROOM OF ANY KIND. Now say there was a RED GATORADE in her room this am. Say the response was "i forgot". What do you do?See I told you guys that I would sometimes have blended family drama, too!
Other than that, so far it's a good day, although it is only 706am.
Leanne
Make her clean the stain in the carpet first off. I have the same trouble with my son. I don't mind if he eats or drinks in his room as long as he cleans it up but my husband gets really mad and takes his computer away if he finds it.
ReplyDeleteNo carpet.. it was pergo floor, we are going to have to redo! and no computer is a good idea!
ReplyDeleteTake the cost of redoing the floor out of her money, until it's paid off. Consequences.
ReplyDeletelike that too! they get $30 p/payday to go out, get things.. GONE! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI agree with making her help pay for it. Be realistic and make sure that you are not punishing yourself by taking all of her money every week because there are probably things you would have to pay for. Just like if we screw up and wreck our car because we were not paying attention sometimes we have to save up to pay for a new one. I wish I could remember his name but there is a christian psychologist that explains raising children as teaching them to be an adult. He says we need to hope they make mistakes now so we can teach them the consequences when it has less impact on their lives. He takes "taxes" out of his kids allowance so they will be prepared for uncle Sam when they get their first job!
ReplyDeletelol - love the taxes idea - the first time my oldest daughter got a check she wanted to know who FICA was!
ReplyDeleteLove the taxes idea. Going to use that one.
ReplyDeleteI had to look it up because it was driving me crazy trying to remember where that was from but it is Parenting with Love and Logic from Jim Fay and Dr. Charles Fay. This is their website: http://www.loveandlogic.com/
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I use my phone as my computer way too much and it was not being nice last week. I guess God knew that I wasn't ready to share my drama with my 22 year old yet because I was still too hurt and angry. I am on my computer now and I really want to share with you something that is troubling me.
My oldest daughter has spent the last five years with a man that is definitely not who I would have chosen for her. She has gone down a road of constant drama with him. He has been in and out of jail. We have had to deal with drugs and allowing ourselves to be used. It has been insane. She was living the craziness with him. I lost my daughter for awhile because I had to tell her that I couldn't be a part of her choices anymore. It was the hardest thing I have ever done especially because I had a grandson involved. He is a good person when he is not drinking or doing drugs but he has an addiction and she had started following him down that road. He finally hit her (everyone but her knew it was coming). She had a black eye for three weeks. He went back to jail. They sent him to Rehab which was honestly what he needed. She had a very bad accident at the beginning of the year and he checked himself out of rehab. Which I hate to say I understand, they were telling him that if he trusts God he no longer needs his bi-polar meds and tried to do an exorcism on him. He had to turn himself back in and go to jail.
Last Thursday, she had to go to court for the domestic violence charge. I had to take her because she had not been released to drive. To make a long story short, she lied to me about what was going to happen. She helped him get out of jail and I had to leave my 2 year old grandson with him and his family. They made arrangements prior to our going that he would stay with him for 2 weeks and then her for 2 weeks. She has no job because she has not been released to work yet which means no money. I was livid! She doesn't seem to understand that she should have consulted those of us paying for her right now since it is a 5 hour drive from where she is living now to where he is. I blew up! I mean absolutely exploded on her about her choices and how they effect others around her. Then I did the worst thing ever, I brought up her past and what she had put me through the last several years. So, she is no longer speaking to me again. I have tried to talk with her through messaging because she won't talk to me on the phone. She absolutely does not understand what she did wrong. I don't know what to do at this point.
I read my devotional yesterday and it said that holding onto bitterness only causes others to be bitter. I sent her an apology for losing my temper and yelling at her. Of course, I got no response. I am scared that she is going to go back to her old ways but I know that she needs me to believe in her. It is just hard when she wasn't honest with me about what was going on because she knew I wouldn't agree with her choice. I thought the teenage years were hard but letting go and allowing them to make their own choices and giving it to God is so hard. I would appreciate prayers for all of us!
Praying.. I have been where your daughter is. Not the drugs & violence but living w/a guy. She knows deep down what is right and what is wrong. But she is being selfish first and not thinking of anyone but her. It is a tough place to be. I remember how hard it was for my mom. I am so sorry. I hate that there is your grandson in the middle. I am thankful I didn't have kids w/the guy I moved in with. He went to prison for attempted murder out of state and that was my light bulb/brick hitting me in the head moment. He never hit me but was very controlling, degrading and isolated me from my family. Thank goodness I joined the Navy and got my head screwed back on straight. Pray for her and we will too! I know it's scary but you have to have faith and keep tabs the best way you can. You have a grandson to worry about. Your daughter is making her choices unfortunately she is including your grandson in them as well. Be there for her to listen and not pass judgement. Praying that she comes to her senses.. Wow I haven't shared that part of my past in a long time. God Forgive me for what I put my parents thru all for the "love(not real love)" of a guy/loser! I am no expert, but I hope others will comment words of wisdom and prayers as well!
ReplyDeleteLeanne
She has left him. The black eye seems to have "done the trick". I hope for all of them, they will stay on the right road. They seem to have the desire right now. They have decided it is best to divorce. It is not going to be easy raising a child together but 5 hours apart. All I can do is pray that they will just stay strong and focus on providing for themselves and their son while being a good example to him. I appreciate you being willing to share your experience. It does make me feel better to see how God has used your bad situation to help me feel better about my own daughter!
ReplyDeleteI have also been in a relationship with someone very controlling. I have a son with him and still have to deal with him. I was able to get him out several years ago. It has taken quite some time for us to work things out. I have always had my son's best interest at heart and his father has finally started to do the same.I can never say the relationship was a mistake because then I wouldn't have my "little man". I did not use my best judgement and I live with that everyday.
ReplyDeleteBonnie, I feel for what you have been through. I have a feeling that your daughter has a lot of guilt she has to deal with. She just might not say so.I know I am sorry everyday for bringing my son's father into so many loved ones and friends lives.But, my son brings so much joy to so many.
I will be praying for you all; for peace of spirit,the best for your grandson and healing of your relationship with your daughter. God bless!
Being in a blended family myself (his, mine & ours) ..this is what I would have done or said..."well this was your father's rule..,let's see if he forgot". Then I would let dad set the punishment. I realized early on that if possible let the biological parent set the pace. You can then back him up if you agree or not if you disagree especially for older kids.. My husband's kids are now grown, my son is away at college and for the most part we are left with our daughter at home.
ReplyDeleteThat is the plan! May not always be what I would choose and that is the difficult part for me, but I am working on it! Thanks Donna for your advice!
DeleteI know what you mean about it being difficult with parenting styles. We've had our ups and downs with it too. Good luck. Keep us posted on how it all pans out :)
Deletewill do!
DeleteThanks, Angie! That is very reassuring. I love my grandson and my daughter and you are right, I would not ever trade my grandson so I will take his dad. I pray for him every day and thank God he found him at Rehab. I pray that he will allow himself to rely on God in hard times.
ReplyDelete