As the mom in a blended family (that brings its own problems without drama) and a mom of 2 teenagers and 1 stepdaughter who is a tween. I have been talking with parents in my shoes and one thing is in common if you have daughters, DRAMA! What is up with all the drama daughters? Someone said I should start a blog about this so here goes. I am no expert as a parent, just have experience with it and blogging is a pasttime I do to kinda journal our days, when I have time and to let folks in the River Region and family and friends know what is going on. Does it matter, why do people blog? To get things off our chest. That’s how i feel sometimes. If I blog like that and I DON’T publish it, I just do it to get all the hurt and stress off my mind, I guess therapeutic. So here’s my new project – my therapy – getting my drama daughters craziness off my chest.
It started the middle of 6th grade when my daughter was bullied at school thru Facebook. There was a girl who pretty much dog cussed my daughter. Now my daughter didn’t start it, but she got sucked into it. I wont go into intimate detail, bit it ended with cops called to school and 2 months of NO electronics was the final verdict for my daughter. So we decided to move my daughter to a different school. It didn’t help. Now in the mean time, it’s Christmas time 2011. My step daughter comes to spend the 2nd half of the school year. She got into drama on day 2. The ironic thing was it was at the same school of previous incidences and all ready knew the principal. LOL. Drama. She said, she said, and she said and I didn't do it then it went to passing notes to boys and causing fist fights. It is insane. Day 3 at a new school and a new boy friend and in trouble with those 2 boys in ISS.
It has now progressed to boys hanging out at the community park and to saying “I love you” on Facebook to tears cause one has a boyfriend and the one who doesn’t is so depressed that she cried herself to sleep last night.
It has now progressed to boys hanging out at the community park and to saying “I love you” on Facebook to tears cause one has a boyfriend and the one who doesn’t is so depressed that she cried herself to sleep last night.
I never had a boyfriend until 16 and sure didn’t have a cellphone, texting capabilities or a Facebook packs. The only thing I worried about was if friends called the house phone past 8p. What has happened? If you would like to chime in, vent, offer suggestions or just need a virtual hug and verbal support and comfort – here it is.
I am praying for my daughters and will pray for families with drama daughters. Will we survive?
I am praying for my daughters and will pray for families with drama daughters. Will we survive?
While talking about starting this blog, I learned it is not just teenage girls - it is boy drama too! So Parents of Teenage Drama - share, post and vent away!
Leanne
Girl don't I know about drama I have 3 girls 17,13, and 12. I think the kids now think that they can say whatever they want on fb or whatever social media, but would never say to their face. When I was growing up we did not have all the devices. Therefore that makes our job as parents even harder. I really don't think that some kids really mean to start things they just really do not realize the ramifications of what they are doing. I will pray for you and you pray for me girl/
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment and what a great idea: Add your name to the pray list for parents with teenage drama: Leanne, Jennifer, next....
DeleteFeel for ya. Wish I could help. Didn't realize it was so bad with girls these days. I have a 15 year old boy and while there is no drama,I can't get him to go to school. Well I guess that is my drama. Court, probation, parenting classes. No luck. Next step I guess I am going to jail. Been a law abiding citizen all my life and I am going to end up in jail because of a truant son. Isn't that nice?
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about your son. Can you get help from the Police, or church pastor or the Principal of the school? I will be praying for you if that is ok.. Add your name to the list above! / Leanne
DeleteI had a parent that had this problem one time. The judge was going to fine her $100 a day for every day that he missed school. Of course, she could not afford to pay it. Her son didn't care if she got put in jail. So, she had a friend of hers come over and physically pick him up out of bed and put him in the car in whatever he had on just like he was and took him to school. If he gets violent with you or your friend then call the police. It is against the law for children to abuse their parents, too. It is not easy to send your child to a juvenile detention but he has to learn that he has to obey the law. The law says he is a minor and has to attend school and you are the one who is legally responsible for getting him there in whatever manner legally you can. Take a pair of jeans, t-shirt, and shoes so when he gets there he can put them on and make sure you get him there in enough time that he can be dressed but the school won't turn you in if they see that you are doing everything in your power to have him there. Good luck! I will be praying for you, too!
DeleteI have to be at work at 5 am. I am going to register him at a private school that a friend has her child in. Not sure if she can make him get there but I am going to try. My son is currently on probation and I am constantly told I will go to jail. The one time we went the DA was there and said he was going to put me in jail my son went for 6 weeks straight. Then we had Christmas break and its been a battle once again. The funny thing about all this is they keep making threats ect but nothing ever gets done. Thy made him tour juvenile detention to scare him but then I find out they won't put him in there unless he commits a crime. I just can't stand the fact that I am doing everything in my power to get him there but I am the one that will be punished. He needs to be punished!
DeleteIt is an unfair situation. I wish I had the magic answer. You have been on my mind a lot lately. I have been praying everyday for you and your son. Maybe your friend trying to get him to school will help. You have a great friend in the fact that they are going to try. Please keep us up to date on your situation!
DeleteGod Bless and praying for you.
Leanne
As the mother of two daughters who are now 20 and 22, I can tell you that the girls have just learned to deal with the drama better. I could share so many stories of ridiculous drama. I was the cheerleader sponsor for a youth cheerleading team with 20-25 11 and 12 year old girls years ago. So, I know drama queens! LOL!
ReplyDeleteI will give you one bit of advice that really seemed to help not only the girls but me, too! The only thing in life that you can control is yourself. People are going to say and do very mean and hurtful things. Allowing them to change the way that you feel is giving them control over you. Honestly, they don't deserve that control. People who like drama can only have it when they drag others into it. They look for people who are caring and can get their feelings easily hurt because they are the easiest to pull in.
I will give you an example of a situation that one of my former cheerleaders. She was in the 10th grade. She had a large group of girls making fun of her because she was a virgin. (I know things sure have changed from back in our day!) The first thing to try is ignoring them. This did not work in this case. Then I had her just respond to their comments with, "That's nice." Finally because I knew the girls that she was dealing with and their parents, I had her tell them this "If you are so proud that you are not a virgin why don't you go home and tell your daddy?". The girls that were following the crowd decided that they didn't want to follow anymore and they decided that she was no longer a good target for any of their nonsense.
So basically, you remember that you can only control your thoughts and actions. In today's world of instant access without filters, it is very important to remember that everything you put out there has consequences whether they be good or bad. Reacting to someone who is starting drama is giving them control of your mind and actions. So, first try to ignore them. If that doesn't work then tell them something absolutely crazy like "That's nice" or "Thank you". It takes them off guard and they don't know how to react. If it is in person, say it and then walk away. Don't let them have control by remaining engaged. If that doesn't work, I always had them come back to me for advice for the specific situation. It is always better, if possible, to let them handle their own problems because as we know the lessons in life that we learn the most from were the ones where we screwed up royally!
The hardest part of being a parent is allowing your children to make mistakes and not try to fix things for them. I learned the hard way and I still am! Just know that you are setting a good example for them and there are lots of us out there that see it. We will all continue to pray for each other and our children as we try to parent and live in this world of drama!
I agree with you about allowing your children to make mistakes. Thanks for the reminder and I am sure you have many more stories. Please be apart of this blog - sounds like you can definitely be one of our panel experts!
DeleteGod Bless!/Leanne
This blog was a great idea. I was a counselor for several years working with children and adolescents but I think sometimes you learn more from being a parent and having to deal with things. A lot of times what we learn in school sounds really good but putting it into practice takes a little work because it has to fit into our situation. I have made and still make SO many mistakes but having others to talk to and get suggestions from is a big help!
DeleteAs far as your girls it is so hard having girls so close in age. They think if one is doing something then the other one should be doing it, too! I don't know why kids these days feel the need to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. You didn't say why she is upset that she doesn't have a boyfriend but usually when they can admit the reason you can find the right thing to say to make them feel a little better and build their self-esteem at the same time. If she doesn't feel pretty just remind your daughter that there are actresses and models that not only didn't have boyfriends in school some of them didn't even get asked to their proms. Knowing that we have caring friends and family members that don't think we are stupid for our feelings is a big help. I was telling my husband just last night the best things about feelings is that they aren't right or wrong. They don't make sense and we are allowed to have them. Once we can figure out what we are feeling then it is easier to come to the why we feel that way and whether the why is reasonable. We can't fix everything that's for sure which stinks but I guess we don't get a pass as adults and have those things fixed for us, either!
Drama - I sure know all about that one. It started with my daughter in the 9th grade. First she was just trying to "fit in". She decided to skip class with a group of other girls and got caught. All were carried back to the high school and all were suspended. After that it was constant. The peer pressure; name calling; fighting / bullying through social media. One thing after another. I think she was grounded most of her freshman year. Drama seemed to find her - or she found it. Then she finds out at the great age of 16 she is pregnant. She is now 17, just finished high school this week and has a 4 1/2 month old baby boy. I know my post won't help anyone much; but I don't know how any of us mom's survive it. We can do all in our power to help and advise them. It just seems they listen with deaf ears.
ReplyDeleteWow, Tanya what a situation. I will pray for you. I know that we try and do everything possible but ultimately it is up to our children. We will always love them but damn, some days they make it really hard. One of my daughters seems to be a drama magnet. It's tough. Your story does help and I appreciate your sharing your private story.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless.
Leanne
Leanne, Thanks for sharing your advice and experience. I have a son who is now 21 and going out into the world on his own . Never had any drama just the usual boy stuff and he was easy compared to my 10 year old duaghter . And she hasnt even reached her teens and its always something . She went to a slumber party not long ago and some of the girls put tomatoe sauce in anothers hair while she slept. A joke is one thing but they picked at this one girl the whole time. Why cant they just have fun and not be so MEAN!
ReplyDelete